When I imagined how my life would look when I was celebrating my engagement, this is not the picture that was painted. Granted, my life is pretty awesome right now, but somehow little grey rain clouds keep trying to rain on our parade.
Brittany and I have been together for nearly 3 years. June 27th, 2009 we officially became a couple. I like to consider that serious commitment. We share our lives together, share bank accounts, we have financially supported one another over the past 3 years, we have plans of having children and getting married. While I don't think that nearly 3 years is a long time by some standards, it is long enough, in my mind, to feel like I have an accurate depiction of who the person I am with is.
The day after mine and Brittany's engagement the phone started ringing at 8:00 AM. We were sleeping and ignored it a couple times. Brittany finally answered it on the 7th time thinking that it must be an emergency if her mother called 7 times in a row. In fact it was not an emergency, but a terrible way to start the day.
Brittany's mom told her that she saw the picture of my ring on FB the night before and that was why she ignored Brittany's two calls that night. She said that it really "hit home" seeing Brittany and I were engaged. That she had been going to church more and getting closer to God and in her heart she felt it was wrong. Not only that but she felt as if Britt and I were rushing into things and that we should wait and accomplish more of our goals before we are married. The conversation ended with Brittany hanging up and sobbing; my guess is out of both sadness and anger.
Hearing the news that her mother didn't accept us felt like we just got hit by a bus. For the past 2 1/2 years her mother has welcomed myself and my children into her home with open arms. Has said several times that "although it is not a "lifestyle" (which that in itself is annoying; its not a lifestyle) she would choose, she loves Brittany regardless." She has told me that even if Brittany and I were to break up I would still be welcomed in her home. Hell, we even lived with her mother for a brief time. So clearly, we were under the impression that this woman loves, accepts, and supports our relationship.
As if this wasn't bad enough, later that same day Brittany was texting her older sister about our engagement and her reaction, while more predictable, still hurt. "I love you, but I can not support something that is wrong," she said. Brittany and her sister have struggled for the past couple of years and they were finally at a good place in their relationship. Her sister even sat and talked about my one day wedding plans with me less than 4 months ago.
What is most frustrating to me is that they are picking and choosing what Bible verses to live by and which ones not to. They are being extremely close minded and won't even listen to conversation that supports anything other than what they believe. This situation is beyond frustrating and it is a slap in the face. My family is NOT wrong. Love is never wrong.
All of this leaves us with few choices. Brittany's mother would like to continue having a relationship with Brittany, but her position remains that our relationship is wrong. This obviously is not an option for us. You can not half accept someone and love them fully. So, per Brittany's thearpists' advice, Brittany is going to give them two options. Either love, accept and support her as is or she will be stepping back and removing contact with them.
I do believe that there is a silver lining to every situation. The lining in this is that it has brought she and I closer together, our commitment to each other stronger, and the desire and passion to never let anyone between us. It has also started a fire under my butt on promoting awareness and clarity. I want to educate people on what the Bible actually means in those simple 6 verses. Those 6 verses that keep thousands if not millions of Americans citizens from having equal civil rights. We may have lost this battle, but we have not lost the war.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Love and Marriage
Guess who is officially an engaged woman?! This girl right here! While I knew that it was going to happen sometime soon, I was not expecting it at all tonight. Tonight was just a typical night. I made dinner and were watching some shows. I asked the girls to go clean up their room and Brittany said that she would go make sure they did. After a few minutes she came back and the girls walked out wearing these shirts that said "Mommy will you marry our Meme?" It was very cute and sweet and I was completely shocked. I appreciate that she didn't ask me in front of tons of people as that would have made me super uncomfortable. I'm not one that enjoys being the center of attention much. I kissed the girls and then kissed her and it was just super sweet.
It feels so surreal. Honestly since the beginning of our relationship we've been dream talking about marriage and what our wedding would look like. I've been super careful to not put the carriage before the horse though. I didn't want to take the novelty of the engagement period away from the time it actually happened. So all of the browsing and "planning" I have done thus far has been with the thought that "its not real" yet in the back of my mind. Well, now it is and it's just weird! Ha! I'm actually a bride-to-be now. I don't know what to do with myself!!
Now we have to really get serious and figure out what we actually plan on doing. The state that we live in does not recognize gay marriage at all. So part of me thinks that it's silly at this point to put all the time/effort/money into planning a wedding that isn't even legal. I understand that legality isn't the whole point of marriage, but it's an important part for me. So the next few weeks/months we will have to decide if we just want to wait until it is legal one day, if we want a commitment ceremony, what we want to do exactly. None the less I'm excited that we are on the "next level!"
It feels so surreal. Honestly since the beginning of our relationship we've been dream talking about marriage and what our wedding would look like. I've been super careful to not put the carriage before the horse though. I didn't want to take the novelty of the engagement period away from the time it actually happened. So all of the browsing and "planning" I have done thus far has been with the thought that "its not real" yet in the back of my mind. Well, now it is and it's just weird! Ha! I'm actually a bride-to-be now. I don't know what to do with myself!!
Now we have to really get serious and figure out what we actually plan on doing. The state that we live in does not recognize gay marriage at all. So part of me thinks that it's silly at this point to put all the time/effort/money into planning a wedding that isn't even legal. I understand that legality isn't the whole point of marriage, but it's an important part for me. So the next few weeks/months we will have to decide if we just want to wait until it is legal one day, if we want a commitment ceremony, what we want to do exactly. None the less I'm excited that we are on the "next level!"
The basics of IVF
The other night I realized that it may not be obvious to everyone the details of what we are trying to do. Heck if you would have asked me 2 years ago I myself wouldn't have been able to tell you.
IVF stands for In vetro Fertilization. Basically eggs are retrieved from a woman's ovaries and fertilized in a laboratory dish with sperm. After fertilization on day 3 or day 5, the embryo/s are placed back into the uterus. Then wait two weeks and see if it was successful or not.
Brittany and I differ on this process just slightly. Our plan, as long as everything is okay with both us is as follows. Brittany and I will both be patients of the RE's office (reproductive endocrinologist, the doctor that performs the procedure). We will both do a work up of blood work to test our hormone levels and to be sure we are both clear of STD's. Then we will have an evaluation done by a Psychologist to make sure we are both mentally stable and prepared for the procedure. If giving the green light on everything she and I will both begin to take birth control pills to sync up our cycles. From this point on is when things start to get different. I don't know the exact specifics since I have never done the procedure before, but I think it goes something like this.. at some point Brittany will start taking injectibles to stimulate her ovaries. She will go in every day or every other day to be monitored to see how many follicles are growing. Once the doctor says there is enough to retrieve, she will use a trigger shot to have her ovaries release her follicles. The next morning she will be put under anesthesia to have the follicles retrieved. From here her eggs will be fertilized with donor sperm. Hopefully all of the cells develop appropriately and one or two great looking embryos will be placed into my uterus.
This process allows she and I to be as connected as possible to a pregnancy. She will be the biological mother and I will be the gestational mother. Also, since she has zero desire to ever carry a child of her own, this provides her with a biological roots.
The only reason why we would not go this route is if for some reason there was a unknown medical problem with either of us. If she was unable to donate her eggs to me for some reason then we would try to get me pregnant with my own eggs. Hopefully it doesn't get to that point, but idk what the next step would be after that.
Obviously, there is more to the process and as to why people choose it, but in a nutshell that is how ours should look.
IVF stands for In vetro Fertilization. Basically eggs are retrieved from a woman's ovaries and fertilized in a laboratory dish with sperm. After fertilization on day 3 or day 5, the embryo/s are placed back into the uterus. Then wait two weeks and see if it was successful or not.
Brittany and I differ on this process just slightly. Our plan, as long as everything is okay with both us is as follows. Brittany and I will both be patients of the RE's office (reproductive endocrinologist, the doctor that performs the procedure). We will both do a work up of blood work to test our hormone levels and to be sure we are both clear of STD's. Then we will have an evaluation done by a Psychologist to make sure we are both mentally stable and prepared for the procedure. If giving the green light on everything she and I will both begin to take birth control pills to sync up our cycles. From this point on is when things start to get different. I don't know the exact specifics since I have never done the procedure before, but I think it goes something like this.. at some point Brittany will start taking injectibles to stimulate her ovaries. She will go in every day or every other day to be monitored to see how many follicles are growing. Once the doctor says there is enough to retrieve, she will use a trigger shot to have her ovaries release her follicles. The next morning she will be put under anesthesia to have the follicles retrieved. From here her eggs will be fertilized with donor sperm. Hopefully all of the cells develop appropriately and one or two great looking embryos will be placed into my uterus.
This process allows she and I to be as connected as possible to a pregnancy. She will be the biological mother and I will be the gestational mother. Also, since she has zero desire to ever carry a child of her own, this provides her with a biological roots.
The only reason why we would not go this route is if for some reason there was a unknown medical problem with either of us. If she was unable to donate her eggs to me for some reason then we would try to get me pregnant with my own eggs. Hopefully it doesn't get to that point, but idk what the next step would be after that.
Obviously, there is more to the process and as to why people choose it, but in a nutshell that is how ours should look.
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